Hope for the Anxious Mom

With bags under my eyes and a soul weary from the battle, I swayed back and forth in the rocking chair cuddling my miracle baby, while also pleading with the Lord: Take the anxiety away.

After a painful wait for a second child, along came another unexpected trial. I felt like a foreigner in my newly postpartum body and there was no map to direct me out of the chaos.

Gracious God had gifted our family with another son, but the sting of postpartum depression and anxiety robbed me of experiencing the fullness of joy that I anticipated throughout my pregnancy. Panic attacks, burning headaches, tightness in my chest, endless nights of insomnia, mental torment, kneeling on the kitchen floor sobbing for relief, feeling stripped of my competency as a mother…

It wiped me out and plagued me with fear.

But the same God who parted the Red Sea for the Israelites and closed it up just in time to swallow up their enemies…

The same God who supernaturally rescued three faithful men as they stood in the fire because they refused to bow to evil…

He stood with me in the valley, preparing a table for me in the presence of my enemies.

Admittedly, there were times during that season when my strength to endure almost collapsed, but my hope in Jesus could not be extinguished.

Out of the Ashes

That chapter of my life was seven years ago, marking one of the darkest valleys I’ve traveled. It felt never ending and I gradually emerged from it with battle scars. Similar to how Jesus’ scars offer us the beauty of eternal life, He can bring forth treasure from our wounded hands.

In the muck of that pit, I was desperate for relief.

How do I get better?

Will I get better?

Just tell me what to do to make it go away.

The discomfort made me want to fast forward to smoother roads. And I was sure that if I ever got there, I would never look back and revisit that painful path.  

But during that season, the Lord planted a seed in my heart, giving me a glimmer of understanding that He would one day create good from what the enemy meant for harm.

I would talk about it.

I would write about it.

Hope would not be silenced.

Because it’s too redeeming of story not to tell.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Hope for Anxious Moms

Postpartum anxiety was noticeably more intense than any other time in my life which I’ve experienced anxiety. That’s partially because of the dramatic shift in hormones a woman experiences after childbirth. But whatever the reason for it, praise God that He was faithful to deliver me from the intense. battle I endured after my second son was born. And while I no longer struggle to the same extreme, I occasionally have milder waves of anxiety.

While my battle was with PPD (postpartum depression) and PPA (postpartum anxiety), I know many moms also experience anxiety outside of the postpartum period. Motherhood comes with an array of responsibilities, emotions, and moments that can feel overwhelming. And sometimes when we experience bouts of anxiety, especially as Christian moms, it’s accompanied by feeling shame for struggling.

Being a Christian doesn’t exempt us from facing such trials. In fact, Jesus clearly told us that we would endure hardships.

What I experienced after my second son was born was unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. And finding a way through that valley felt like a maze at times. Because we have a mind, body, and soul I believe it is best to address all these areas when pursuing healing. Each part is connected and meant to function together because that is God’s perfect design. From my experience, it works best if we address both the physical needs (such as the need for more sleep) and the spiritual needs (such as using the spiritual weapons we’re given by God), rather than leaning only one way or the other.

Some of the lessons I learned in that scary time still help me today, and I want to share a few of them hoping they can be an encouragement.

Disclaimer: This is my story and how I made it through. Please don’t take this as a replacement for professional advice. I share to offer hope from a Biblical and practical lens because there is a need for more Christian voice on this topic.

Hold Scripture Close

Anxiety is often accompanied with lies appearing as truth, but the Word of God is the Truth and it has the power to demolish every lie. It’s important to saturate our minds with the life it brings.

Scripture Notecards

When I was in that hard season, I had a set of Scripture notecards that I flipped through and read almost daily. They were verses I had written down on notecards that were especially comforting to me in what I was going through. I read them before bed, in the middle of sleepless nights, and anytime my anxiety needed soothing.

I also found it helpful to declare Scripture out loud. So often when we’re in a hard place it takes extra strength to believe the truth, but even when we’re struggling to believe we have authority in Christ to claim Truth.

Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.

luke 1o:19

The Psalms

I have been drawn to the Psalms throughout my Christian Walk, and during my postpartum valley there were a few that were especially meaningful.

Psalm 23 became a lifeline, and I recited it on repeat when the darkness of the night overwhelmed me. It’s forever etched on my heart, and now the miracle baby who was born during that time also knows it by heart.

Psalm 139 was another one I visited often. It’s a declaration from David of how God knows every detail of our lives. It quieted my anxiety to know that God saw what I was going through, because nothing is unnoticed by Him.

Pray Without Ceasing

God not only hears our prayers, but He moves powerfully through them.

I first knew something was wrong at eleven days postpartum when I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was suffocating.

I crawled out of bed and stood up frozen in fear. With a newborn sleeping in a bassinet next to me, my heart was beating but I could barely breathe. I fumbled through the hallway, opened the sliding glass door to our backyard, and inhaled the cool air hoping it would soothe my lungs. But my short breaths persisted.

Once back in my bedroom my sleeping husband was confused by the commotion and gasping for breath I frantically cried out…

Something’s wrong with me. Something’s very wrong…

Neither one of us knew that it was just the beginning of a raging storm. But eventually I calmed down enough to rest my head on my pillow, my husband prayed for me, and eventually the panic attack ceased.

While I will later tell of the practical things that helped me through that time, it was prayer that extinguished every single panic attack.

Anxiety will bow to the powerful Name of Jesus, but in faith we must call on His Name.

Both my husband and my mom sacrificed sleep and prayed me through panic attacks in all hours of the night. I didn’t know if they would stop, but I learned to make it through one moment at time until eventually they ended.

I’m not sure we realize how much of gift it is that we can pound on the doors of heaven with our prayers, but I experienced the power of prayer during that time in a whole new way.

Every drop of anxiety.

Every frightened plea.

Every salty tear.

He heard it all, caught it all, and faithfully brought me through it all.

When anxiety rises, prayer is a powerful weapon.

Let Others Help

While the valley of anxiety often feels lonely, the Body of Christ is meant to carry each other’s burdens.

Once we finally figured out what was going on with me, it was a freighting reality that it would take time for me to get better. Every day felt like a marathon, and I wanted nothing more than to arrive at the finish line immediately.

Instead, God provided the people and resources I needed to make it through a day at a time. I asked trusted family and friends to pray for me. We temporarily took a break from homeschooling and enrolled my son in a Montessori school until I could function better to teach him again. And I met with a Christian counselor to talk out my journey.

I didn’t have crowds of people around me during that time, and I didn’t want that, but I had a few close people so that I didn’t walk the road alone.

The Practical Things

Everyone’s battle with anxiety, whether postpartum related or not, is so different. It’s a delicate conversation and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all path forward.

I was frustrated that there weren’t more practical options available when I was fighting to make it through each day, but eventually I discovered a few things that helped the battle become more manageable. Some of things that helped me may not be beneficial to others, and some of the things that have helped others were not for me.

What I want to emphasize is that it is okay to reach out for help when you are struggling. I cannot say exactly what that means for each person, but the Lord is faithful to lead us in the best direction when we ask for wisdom.

Medicine and Nutrition

I visited with a few doctors but wasn’t given many options other than medication. As a mom who was exclusively breastfeeding and as someone who is sensitive to many pharmaceutical medicines, it wasn’t my path forward. I took an anti-anxiety medication one time and its effects on my body quickly alerted me that it was better to pursue other options.

Some people battling depression and anxiety have benefited from medication and it’s important to seek professional advice because each case is unique. I believe there is a place for traditional medicine and have benefited from it for other things, but when it comes to mental health issues, I have chosen to approach it in a more holistic way because that is what has worked best for me.

During my troubling postpartum, I was experiencing a multitude of symptoms that made me feel unstable, including not being able sleep for more than an hour or two at a time even though I was exhausted in every way.

I ended up finding help through a functional medicine doctor who helped me find the right combination of supplements to support my body. This is medicine too, just a different form.

As suggested to me, I also focused on my nutrition:

• Drinking plenty of water
• Eating a warm breakfast (when possible)
• Eating enough protein
• Eating plenty of fruits and vegetables
• Eating enough throughout the day
• Eating a snack before bed
• Eating a snack in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep
• Drinking herbal teas
• Decreasing caffeine and sugar during heightened anxiety

Fresh air and exercise can also do wonders. I went on a stroller walk with my son every day when I was postpartum. The combination of fresh air and movement gave me some relief. I also did a few walk and talk counseling sessions outdoors.

These days I exercise at home and run outside one or two days a week. I also find long outdoor walks to be refreshing when I’m under stress or just need a breather from doing work.

Finding Comforting Remedies

Panic attacks are a traumatic event and after having my first panic attack in my bedroom, I didn’t feel safe in my bedroom for several months. Since one of my symptoms was insomnia, it became a recipe for a very sleep-deprived mama.

To cope, when I got anxious in the middle of the night I left my bedroom. I would get a snack and something warm to drink, read my Bible, pray, turn on instrumental Christian music, and usually be able to fall asleep on the couch for a little bit. Once I figured this out, it comforted me to know there was something I could do besides just stay in my room as anxiety intensified.

To this day, I still do this when I have nights of unrest.

Our Pain Has a Purpose

God can use our hardships and struggles to do good things in and through our lives. The Lord did eventually deliver me from the valley of postpartum depression and anxiety, but not nearly as soon as I desired. While suffering isn’t pleasant, it’s often the hardships that grow us the very most.

Battling with anxiety humbled me, refined me, and tested my faith. It also made me more compassionate towards other people wading through the stormy waves of mental health. And it showed me there is a deep need for the Christian community to provide support and show Christ-like love to those in need. There is hope, and as followers of Jesus we carry that Hope!

There were times I wanted to give up. There were times I didn’t think I would make it. But my Good Shepherd picked me up and led me through.

to the anxious mom…

There is hope.

I can’t tell you that the struggle with disappear overnight.

But I can tell you that He will faithfully walk you through every step.

I can tell you that the Name of Jesus is powerful.

I can tell you that you have authority in Christ to pray boldly.

I can tell you there is power in proclaiming Truth when the lies scream.

I can tell you that radiant beauty can rise from dark ashes.

I can tell you that you aren’t the only one who struggles.

Reach out for help.

God knows what you need.

He loves you.

Goodness and mercy will follow.

I know, because it’s the story He allowed me to live to tell.